The California Suites Crash Diet

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As mentioned in a previous post, part of the allure of this ‘hotel’ was its complimentary breakfast. As with many things Suites, my imagination had really set itself up for a smack in the face.

List of California Suites breakfast options:

1. Cereal (Raisin Bran/Cheerios/Frosted Flakes)

2. Bananas/oranges

3. Packet bagels

4. Unidentified cakey muffiny pancakey things

5. Coffee

6. Orange juice (very definitely made with concentrate)

So, in dietary essence:

1. Some sugar

2. Fruit sugar

3. Sugar and refined flour

4. Sh*tloads of sugar

5. Weak caffeine. Sugar optional

6. Who knows, but it’s very orange

If you want, you can jack up your intake with some sugary jam/jelly, topped off with a scraping of mysterious ‘Churned Spread’.

Taking the "best choice under the circumstances" approach, we opt to go down the bran, bagel and banana route. Andy gave it his best shot with the cakey muffiney pancakey affair, but was forced to abort. I have tried to talk to him about the experience, but he just rocks back and forwards muttering the words "so vile" to himself. I think he feels dirty.

Around day four, there was a cunning ‘Lord of the Flies’ style twist. It seems the Suites stock up on breakfast on a Tuesday, and let supplies run down for the rest of the week. Bananas are a hot commodity, followed by bagels, which means you can quickly end up with a child’s size portion of Raisin Bran as fuel for your training regime.

We still wake up at 6am for breakfast, only now it’s less inspired by culinary excellence, and more by the idea that we have to beat all the other hotel dwellers to the final banana. The day the buffet monitor told me they didn’t have any cold water to wet my cereal (I don’t like milk) was a new low though.

We eat looking at a sort of pseudo-lounge with the TV at the end bringing us right up to speed with the news and advertisements. If the latter are to believed, we are in constant danger of identity theft. It’s a depressing thought, as demonstrated by the man in front of me. There’s also a sort of piano-accordion-organ in the corner, should anyone fancy lifting the mood with a jazz waltz.